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Blade Trinity (2004)
The final hunt begins.
Director: David S. Goyer

For years, Blade has fought against the vampires in the cover of the night. But now, after falling into the crosshairs of the FBI, he is forced out into the daylight, where he is driven to join forces with a clan of human vampire hunters he never knew existed—The Nightstalkers. Together with Abigail and Hannibal, two deftly trained Nightstalkers, Blade follows a trail of blood to the ancient creature that is also hunting him—the original vampire, Dracula.

Blade Trinity (2004)

Misplaced Zombies

These kinds of movies are very easy to evaluate. They need to be merely competent in terms of action, motion and noise. Where they need to excel is in the engineering of a unique style and the concurrent weaving of the mystical or occult history. As time goes on, the bar keeps getting higher and higher in these two categories. That’s what makes these so easy; thirty-forty years ago, it was enough to as good as the previous Vincent Price effort. Now you really do have to be better.

This is not better, nor even as good as any of the recent offerings. It is still breathing based on a residual “urban” market whose notion of cool is a parody of blaxploitation. In fact, take a look at the two “sides” in this war.

On one side are zombies: a washed up country singer, a burned out second rate black action actor who is clearly being moved out of the franchise, and two new kids blindly doing a grown up scooby doo.

And that’s the “good” side, populated by zombies. On the “bad” side you have clever characters with real actors. These guys seem to be scientific geniuses capable of beguiling hoards of humans, including most of the FBI. They are animated, but even if it were just Parker Posey, that would be enough to distract all the attention from the “heroes.”

Posted in 2005

Ted’s Evaluation — 1 of 3: You can find something better to do with this part of your life.


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