Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid (2004)

Balled Up

You know, you just can’t have it two ways. Either you make a movie deliberately campy, or you make one straight-on creepy. Either way, it is a hard thing to do and seemingly impossible for studios to handle, That’s because they want as many appealing elements as possible: give us some humour in the squealing black guy straight out of Mantan Moreland, but make sure the “serious” black couple survives.

Give us a whole lot of stretched but novel story content about an anti-aging blossom but lard it up with ordinary scares and events. Give us the regular old pairing of special forces guy who is running away from himself and unlikely lovely master scientist girl, and… whoops, nothing novel to balance this.

I suppose it could have worked, even with the trite leeches, if the snakes had been scarier.

Posted in 2005

Ted’s Evaluation — 1 of 3: You can find something better to do with this part of your life.


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